When you get a sad or irritable feeling after consensual sex, you may have postcoital dysphoria (PCD). This is commonly referred to as “post-sex blues.” This happens when you feel a range of negative feelings after a desired sexual activity. People with PCD can feel emotions such as sadness, irritability, agitation, anxiety, and depression after sex with a partner.
What Is Postcoital Dysphoria?
PCD refers to negative feelings after sex. This is different from female sexual dysfunctions (FSDs), which involve feelings and difficulties before or during sexual activities. When you have PCD, you may feel melancholy (deep sadness) or depressed after sex. You may also get aggressive or feel agitated, even if the sex was wanted by you and your partner.
PCD occurs more in women than in men, although most studies on PCD have focused on women. Symptoms of PCD usually happen after consensual sex and may show up even after physical pleasure and orgasm.
Symptoms of PCD in women include:
- Tearfulness
- Sadness
- Anxiety and depression
- Irritability
- Feeling unsatisfied
Although there’s not a lot of research, recent studies show that PCD is common among men, too. In one study, 41% of men reportedly experienced PCD at least once in their lifetime, while 3% men had PCD regularly.
Regardless of the cause, postcoital depression is a term used to describe negative feelings only after consensual, enjoyable sex. It doesn’t refer to assault or forced sexual activity.
What Causes Postcoital Dysphoria?
There’s not a lot of research on what exactly causes PCD. However, scientists believe multiple factors lead to these feelings.
Abuse
Having a history of childhood sexual abuse might make you more at risk for PCD. Sexual abuse from a young age or in your adult years can cause symptoms of PCD. Physical and emotional abuse may also put you at risk for postcoital dysphoria later in life.
Anxiety
Childhood traumas might also cause anxiety and depression. These mental health conditions can be linked to feelings of sadness or cause behavioral problems.
Resentment
If you have a history of abuse, you may be more resentful about sex or sexual experiences. You may feel like you don’t have complete control over these encounters, which can cause anxiety. You could also feel like you need to assert your wants and needs, which can make you irritable.
Postnatal depression
Hormonal fluctuations can cause postnatal depression. Postnatal depression, also known as postpartum depression, is depression that happens shortly after you give birth.
Women with postnatal depression are also more likely to experience PCD, most likely because of higher sensitivity to estrogen. Depression can make you feel sad even after enjoyable sex.
How Does Intimacy Affect Postcoital Dysphoria?
Intimacy and close relationships are not a factor in PCD. Studies have found no link between the two. Two components of intimacy play a part in how you function sexually.
Role of attachment
In this case, how attached you become in your relationship can affect your level of intimacy. You may become more intimate, and this can cause you to become more attached.
Differentiation of self
This means being able to stay emotionally connected to a partner while still maintaining your own identity. People with this ability can handle intimacy in a healthy way. This can play a role in how you feel after sex. Being able to remove your emotions from your rational mind also affects how you choose to have intimacy in your life.
Despite the misconception, postcoital dysphoria is not caused by a lack of intimacy; it is also not affected by how close your relationship is. You may be in a healthy, intimate relationship but still feel sad, anxious, or depressed after sex.
How Does Mental Health Affect Postcoital Dysphoria?
If you experience anxiety, depression, childhood and adult trauma, or postnatal depression, you have a higher chance of having PCD. These conditions can turn your good sexual experience into feelings of doubt, shame, or sadness afterward.
You should talk to your doctor about these feelings. You can also see a psychotherapist to treat the underlying cause of PCD. With cognitive behavioral therapy, they can help you overcome these feelings and traumas.
Sex can put you in a vulnerable position. When you have underlying anxieties or concerns, these feelings may be more likely to surface after sex. A therapist can help you work through these feelings.
It's OK to talk to your partner about these feelings. If you’re in a safe, intimate relationship, you should feel comfortable bringing up your feelings. Having an open conversation might also help you work through these feelings of sadness after sex.
